


Under Pressure

by rememberwhyineededto



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Violence, Eddie needs a hug, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Light drug use, M/M, Slow Burn, They all need a hug, buddie, dispatcher!eddie, firefighter!buck, the boys are damaged
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-02-19 06:21:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22039855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rememberwhyineededto/pseuds/rememberwhyineededto
Summary: Eddie Diaz begins a new life in LA with his son Christopher after leaving his abusive ex-husband Doug. A certain blue-eyed, blonde-haired mess named Evan Buckley is a new firefighter with the 118 who is dealing with his own struggles and latches on to his new found family with his usual brazen leaps of blind faith. As their small family grows closer, a threat begins raining down and threatening the stability that they've worked so hard to build.
Relationships: Eddie Diaz/Doug Kendall, Eddie Diaz/Shannon Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Doug Kendall, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 38
Kudos: 215





	1. People on Streets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be kind, this is my first fic in probably 5 years and I’m writing on my phone along with not having a beta currently so take it easy on me 🙃 Enjoy! (Edit: the writing gets better the more I warm up to it again! Just hang in there!)

One month after Eddie Diaz found himself buckling his young son Christopher into his old pickup, hiding his split lip and black eye with an oversized baseball hat and an empty smile that did more at an attempt to reassure himself than his confused son, he began his new life behind the doors of the Los Angeles Emergency Dispatch Center. 

He tried to listen as the lead LA 911 Dispatcher welcomed all the new hires to the city and emergency call center, but instead of taking notes and trying to please the new boss, he sat back in his seat and failed to focus his mind on on all the new faces and voices. Instead he heard his husband’s booming voice as he peeled out of the picture-perfect Texas neighborhood that they had spend five loving years in. Trying to keep his son’s eyes forward and not on his step father running after the truck with tears in his eyes, he asked what he wanted to listen to as the car lurched onto the highway. Christopher happily started cycling his way through Eddie’s phone and skipping between tracks of Disney movie soundtracks that he and Doug had grown so fond of. 

Eddie glanced in the mirror at his son and felt a familiar lump rising in his throat as he watched the young boy smile and sing before shouting a question to his father. 

The urge to cry seceded and Eddie turned the volume down, “Sorry bud, what was that?”

Chris paused the music and innocently asked again, “Where are we going? Why isn’t Doug coming? He loves going on vacations!”

Eddie took in a shaken breath and repeated the line he had prepared the night before, “We’re having a special kind of vacation Superman. Just the two of us.”

“Oh, okay.” Chris replies dejectedly. “When will we be back? Doug is going to miss us.” He sighed and resumed the music. 

Eddie took a pause and for a second appreciated that his son was never privy to all of the ins and outs of the Kendall-Diaz household. How many times since Doug and he had returned from Afganistan together and took up raising Eddie’s son after Shannon left that Eddie found himself alone cleaning up broken glass and blood while Christopher had a sleepover away from their house. At the very least, he could muster up the smallest bit of gratitude that Doug never laid a hand on Chris and became so close with him over the years. 

Chris was smart. Smart enough to know to sometimes not hug his dad too tight or question the swirling purple bruises that appeared seemingly at random. He never considered that his step-father was the one behind all of the pained expressions and hollow laughs that he watched his father paint on everyday. Chris loved Doug too much. There were too many pillow forts and sing-a-longs in the living room for him to suspect anything of the man he grew to love. All the Christmases and Birthdays with photos of himself sitting between his smiling, proud fathers. Those memories made it all the more difficult for Chris when his father answered, “I’m going to miss him too, but I think it’s time for us to start a new adventure little man. Now, you like the beach, right?

Eddie knew the answer, but would never pass up an opportunity to see a wide smile on his son’s face and hear his delighted shouts about how much he loved the ocean. 

————

“First thing: everybody lies.” The lead dispatcher, Maddie told Eddie while pulling up a chair for him at her desk. She rattled off a couple more sayings and rules, during which, he opened a notebook and listened intently as she started to take some calls. He was familiar with medical cases from years in the Army and a dispatcher’s role from his previous job as a firefighter back in Texas. LA though, these were the big leagues. Fortunately, nothing to big to start with. Some chest pains, a stolen bike, a man who got a knife stuck in his hand. Maddie scoffed as she repeatedly told the man to not pull the knife out and that help was on its way. She leaned into Eddie and joked, “You think after fourteen seasons of Grey’s Anatomy that people would know this stuff.”

He exhaled and released some of the tension he was carrying since walking through the front doors of the center. He gave her a small chuckle and she smiled at him, “So tense,” she said, “ease up G.I. Joe, your turn.”

The nickname bothered him in the slightest, but he wasn’t in the position of getting on anyone’s bad side. Instead, he just silently wished Maddie didn’t have a copy of his application. The inevitable questions she would ask plagued his mind: Why did you move? Why leave the Army? Why quit being a firefighter? 

To his relief, she turned to focus on the monitors before her. He kept his eyes focused on a blinking icon and fiddled with his new headset. 

“See one. Do one. Teach one.” Maddie’s voice echoed around him. “Hell, you could probably do this blind with a day’s practice. It’s nice to train someone relatively familiar with the system. You ready?”

Her warm brown eyes almost mirrored his own. Amber with a hint of gold in the right lighting. Although, she had a sparkle in her eyes that accompanied a bright and flashy smile. Eddie knew that even with his healed face, his own eyes were lackluster. Tired and lined with red. Nonetheless, he felt as though he could trust her. For the moment at least, before she threw him to the wolves that came in the form of a ringing emergency phone line with that same bright smile and a motivational saying. He shrugged and tried to ignore the present pounding in his chest. Almost anticipating a cold, familiar voice on the other end of the line, waiting to attack. 

He took another deep breath in. It was a phone. A damn phone. He could do this. 

“911. What’s your emergency?” He questioned. Waiting for a response while his stomach churned.

“My son, he hit his head on the diving board and he’s not breathing!” A woman’s voice shouted. He asked for the address and she obliged, thankful in the moment for a voice to grab onto.

Eddie took in a breath and and felt the nerves return to the pit of his stomach. He sat up a little bit straighter and Maddie reached over to the screen. “Here. Enter the location and it will find the nearest station for you. Then hit dispatch and they’ll be on the way.” He did as she said and a station popped up. “The 118.” Maddie smiled, “my brother works at that station.”

Eddie turned back to the headset, “Paramedics are on the way ma’am.”

“He’s turning blue!” She cursed and Eddie focused, “you need to perform CPR on him, can you do that?” He questioned. 

Maddie motioned to her headset meaning that she could take the call and step in if needed. He shook his head and continued, “You remember what to do? Thirty chest compressions followed by two quick breaths.”

Maddie sat back and let him take control, looking pleased. 

“Okay,” the woman answered with a shaking voice.

He heard a crunch and a distant voice on the line, “Okay Buck, you start chest compressions and Hen bag him.”

The same voice was followed by footsteps close to the phone and now louder it said, “Come with me ma’am, I need to get my team in there.”

Another rustling and a different voice, younger and almost eager, “Starting compressions.”

Eddie waited quietly, hoping for a good outcome. The only sounds were shuffling and intermittent shocks from the defibrillator until the line went dead. 

He glanced up at Maddie and she sighed, all too knowing of his next question. “No,” she stood up, “sometimes we never know. But we keep answering the line and helping like every person who calls lives. That’s the only way to lay your head down on the pillow at night.” She paused, “For what it’s worth, I think you’ll do great here. Good job G.I. Joe.” Another smile and she started walking away, “I’m off for a quick break, you in?”

The nickname-rename would have to wait. He wanted to keep going. “I’m okay. Can I take some more calls? I know I just started, but—“

“Go for it!” She cut him off, “I’ll be here if you need anything.”

For the first time in what felt like an eternity, he felt a smile break out on his sullen face. Lifting off the smallest bit of the cracked and broken shell of the formerly exuberant, confident, and courageous man Eddie Diaz used to be. He felt good. Useful and like he mattered again. 

“What was your last name again? I’m the worst at remembering!” She joked lightheartedly and waited while his thoughts scrambled at the question. 

“Kend-“ He stooped and cleared his throat, heartbeat pounding in his ears, “Diaz. Just Diaz.”

Maddie raised an eyebrow, but didn’t question it. Another time, she thought. “Well Eddie Just Diaz, welcome to LA,” she said and walked towards the break room. 

The line started ringing again as if to add pointe to her welcome. 

He straightened up in his chair and took a breath, “911 what’s your emergency?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on tumblr for more nonsense pls I need Buddie friends @rememberwhyineededto and feed back is more than welcome! ✨


	2. There’s A Terror in Knowing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for the support so far! Mind you, I’m proofreading what I can so mistakes may be present, but I’m trying to catch it all!

Adjusting to life in LA was wearing Eddie thin to say the least. Between working every possible shift and finding enough time in between to spend with Christopher, the bags under his eyes grew even larger and his clothes fit looser on him than before. The before, that’s what Eddie referred to it now that he’d been here a little over a month and Doug still had yet to make an appearance. That was the old Eddie. This new life was his. A blanket of safety fell upon the Diaz household, and despite the barren walls and single bed composed of sleeping bags and coloring books, Eddie and Chris fell into a rhythm. 

The downside being that everyday Eddie would leave Chris with a different home help aid that took the last of the money from his own savings. School wasn’t an option right now, Chris needed a special program and they needed to do some searching before settling on one. Later on, Eddie thought, Chris would be sitting in a classroom, coloring and laughing with new friends. 

That day, Eddie remembers as his son’s eyes grew misty as he left for work, leaving a new girl, Veronica to take Chris to the park and make dinner. She was fully vetted and certified through the company, Eddie made sure of that, but she payed more attention to her phone than his son at times and as much as Eddie hated to leave, his shift started in twenty minutes. 

————

“911 what’s your emergency?” 

A young boy’s voice caused Eddie’s breath to hitch. Focus. It isn’t Chris. Just do what you know how to do. “Help me please. They’re outside trying to break in. My mom isn’t home and I don’t know what to do.” The boy’s voice cried out and Eddie tried to steady his racing mind. 

“Can you tell me your name?” He asked. Trying to sound steady and calm, even though he could feel his stomach twist and turn. 

“Lucas Coughlin.” His voice cracked and barely choked out, “we just moved, I don’t know the address.” Small hiccups sounded on the other end with sniffles in the pauses. 

“Lucas, I’m Eddie and I’m going to help you, okay?”

He heard a quiet mumble and Lucas trying to steady his breaths, “okay,” the small voice replied back. 

“Okay.” Said Eddie, firmly vested in making sure this boy would be safe. “Do you know what street or neighborhood you live in?”

“Lambert Street. In Winnetka I think.” Lucas’ voice trailed off into more sobs, but stopped suddenly as the sound of breaking glass and loud thumping startled both of them. 

Eddie waved over his shift supervisor, a younger man with brown hair and a bright smile whose name tag read ‘Josh’. “I have a home invasion, young boy home alone, doesn’t know the address, and recently moved.” Josh nodded and shouted to another man, “Start pinging cell towers, we need to find this kid.”

Barely a week on the job and this is what Eddie got. He had no business trying to save this kid’s life, it was too much too soon. The thought pinged in his mind to leave, run, go back, this wasn’t right he wasn’t strong enough, but another cry from Lucas sent him steering back to the situation at hand. 

“You can do this,” Josh told Eddie, “remember your training, listen to what’s around you. I’ll be right here, but you can do this.”

Eddie turned back to the monitor, refocused, and asked, “Lucas where are you?”

“In my room,” He answered. 

“We’re going to find you, hold on Lucas, just don’t hang up, I’m right here with you.”

————

•BUCK•

With more force than definitely deemed necessary, Buck slammed the door to his Jeep that carried the only belongings he had collected from his short time at the 118. Keys in hand, he got in the drivers seat and stared at the once-welcoming doors of the fire station. All he wanted was to do this job and once again, truly screwed himself over. His fists slammed into the steering wheel, the only response being a habitual “FUCK”. 

He felt hot tears spring to his cheeks as he recalled his first day at the station, walking up in everyone eating, joking with them, and Captain Nash’s approving gaze as he told Bobby he was glad to be there. Oh how the mighty have fallen, Buck thought letting out a broken cry. His team. His home. Gone, just like that. 

A loud ring from his phone startled Buck and his brow furrowed at the Caller ID. Why would Hen be calling him? Too soon for the inevitable ‘You know why this happened’ talk and too late for the ‘We were only joking’. The latter made the tears fall a bit faster. If only. 

“Hello?” He mumbled out, trying to consciously be aware of how his voice sounded. Crying definitely ruined his tough persona and if they had their minds made up on what he was, he wasn’t in the mood to fight a losing battle today. 

“Buck, Athena needs to ask you a favor about a call and I need you to really listen.” She said, trying to read his tone underneath the call. 

He almost laughed. Athena just about hates him and has made that very clear given their track record. 

“You’re serious?” He countered. 

Hen swallowed the next words out of her mouth that wouldn’t be appropriate to have on city record and continued, “She needs you to bring the truck to a home invasion call in Winnetka and help find a house, can you do that much?”

Hen was always his closest friend at the station and to hear her biting tone on the other end reminded him of the shitty situation he was in. “Is Bobby okay with this? I mean given that he fired me and all?”

An honest question shrouded in a sarcastic tone. Hen could see through Buck’s antics and told him point blank, “I honestly have no idea how you could take all of your potential and somehow manage to use it against yourself in the most idiotic way possible, but hey, to each his own. We need your help, are you in or not?” She wanted to believe that Buck would chose to help despite everything else going on, but the pregnant pause following her question made doubt invade her mind. Buck used to be the kid all bright eyed and first in the truck when a call came in. Hell, for his first week he never strayed even five feet from that truck because just in case, he wanted to be first. Now, he was barely someone she recognized. 

“I’m in.” He finally responded. 

Hen breathed a sigh of relief. She got him this far. “I’ll patch you through to Athena.”

He grabbed the truck keys and sat behind the wheel, waiting for the transfer. 

“And Buck?” She asked again, “don’t fuck this up. Please?” Despite the actual words spoken, her voice sounded more sincere. Hen rooted for him from the beginning and tried to be there to help him. A shame for Buck that self destruction seemed to come naturally. 

Athena stood waiting outside of her patrol car, fingers tapping lightly on the hood as Buck pulled up. She slid off her aviators and eyed Buck down, “Don’t go chasing waterfalls. You hear me?”

He scoffed, “I don’t even know what that means.”

“Nobody thought you did.”

She replaced her sunglasses and took a seat in her car, hope really had to be in the hands of Evan Buckley. 

Buck began circling the streets with the sirens blaring, keeping an eye out for any clues. The sound, while blaring and drawing attention, didn’t warrant the response they were searching for. 

Eddie sat by his desk waiting to hear the siren while trying to keep Lucas safe and hidden, mirroring Athena in her squad car ready for the go ahead. 

Slowly the sirens came through the line and Athena jumped at the gas, speeding towards the house. The dispatcher mentioned a green bike in front of the house and quickly her eyes were drawn to a bright neon bicycle with streamers and covered in stickers. Monster stickers, fittingly, were their saving grace. 

Reflexes jolting her into action, she jumped out of the car, crouching low and took around to the back yard, taking in her surroundings and plotting the best plan while sitting in waiting. 

Almost as if the universe were playing a cruel game, a blue SUV careened into the driveway and a blissfully unaware middle-aged woman got out of the car. She began collecting grocery bags from the back seat and Buck lept out of the truck, making his way towards the woman as discreetly as possible.

“Mrs. Coughlin?” He whispered and she jumped back, “who are you?” Her shrill voice sliced through the silence that had fallen on the street since Buck turned the siren off. 

He motioned for her to be quiet and luckily, she followed while he led her back to the truck. “I’m assisting the LAPD with a current break-in and need you to work with me, okay? Your son is safe right now and we intend to keep it that way, there is an officer waiting in your back yard for the men to come out. Just stay here with me.”

————

•EDDIE•

“We just want the phone kid.” Eddie heard over the line. Lucas shouted for Eddie before a loud crash and gruff voice came over the line, “I got the boy.”

A clatter resonated in his ears and Eddie stood up at his desk, shouting at the headset. Josh gave him a started look, but stayed silent, just present in case things started to go more south than they were already heading. 

“Hey answer me! Whoever you are pick up the line you coward!” Eddie pressed on, hoping to rile one of the men up enough to talk to him instead of Lucas, “be a fucking man talk to me and let the boy go.” Harsh language was most definitely frowned upon at the call center, Josh said nothing, breath as belated as Eddie’s own while waiting for a response. 

“Who is this?” A deep, hushed voice spoke into the phone. 

“This is 911 operator Eddie Diaz. Listen to me. The police have been dispatched to that house. I know what road they will take and how they will enter. I will give you that information if you let the boy go as an act of faith. Deal?” He was standing now, pacing, everyone’s attention on him. 

“Why would you do that?” He retorted. 

“Because I don’t give a damn about you.” Eddie spat out. “But I care about that boy. The choice is yours.” Eddie sat back down in his seat and took a moment in the gap to recenter himself. 

“We will leave the boy, but if you’re lying, he’s dead.” The man told him. 

Eddie knew now wasn’t the time to tread backwards and rethink his plan, no, he needed to do this. However he couldn’t fight the churning, sick dread washing his whole body cold. 

“Go out the back door and over the wall in the back yard. There’s a small path away from the main road. Go now.” He directed the man. He supposed the blind faith was more for his sake than the men. He had no idea if Lucas was safe, or hell, still alive, but Eddie blocked out those thoughts and focused on the task before him. He knew Athena was waiting, he just had to get them into position. 

A familiar voice came over the phone as soon as the men stepped outside, “Going somewhere?” Athena questioned. He heard a scuffle on Athena’s end and the sound of heavy footsteps return into he house, louder on the phone near Lucas than Athena’s. 

“You dick!” The gruff voice shouted into the phone and Eddie shot back out of his seat has he heard a door open and Lucas shouting again for Eddie. 

Think, there has to be some other way. 

“Fireman Buckley?” Eddie asked into the line, hesitantly, as though the intruders could hear his plans beginning to unfold. He had all but forgotten about the man on standby in the truck. 

“Present and accounted for.” Buck said into the line. He and Mrs. Coughlin had been awaiting news for more than a second and he was eager to help save her son. After all, he really didn’t have much to lose. 

“What’s going on from where you are?” The dispatcher asked. 

————-

•BUCK•

Buck glanced up at the front door at the same second a man came busting through with a small boy in tow. He debated for a second whether to go or not, but his gut got the better of him and he left the phone in the seat and took off towards the man. The child struggled in the man’s arms and managed to bite his arm hard enough to spring loose and sprint towards Buck. 

Athena ran around from the back of the house and met Buck’s gaze onto the man who was now atop a motorcycle revving up and speeding away from the house. 

A squad car reeled in front of the man, blocking his path. 

Athena let out a shout and they dove for cover as the man whipped around and began aiming for the vehicle with a small handgun. 

Before she could act further, a blast of water sent the man spiraling out of control and tumbling on the road. Its unrelenting pressure pounded the man maybe a second longer than necessary, but Athena wasn’t about to get caught on fair technicalities. 

Buck, breathing heavily, feeling the adrenaline coursing through his veins, gave a silent nod to Athena as she placed cuffs around the mans hands and led him to the waiting squad car. She gave the same show of silent gratitude to Buck and started off towards the station. 

The forgotten phone on the drivers seat drew Buck’s attention back and a distressed voice kept calling out to him, “Buckley, come in. Answer me dammit. Anyone?”

“All good here,” Buck breathed, “Lucas is safe thanks to you and Athena is on her way down to the station with the two men.”

He heard the sigh of relief from the dispatcher and heard his voice, “For my first week this is quite the LA welcome.”

“You’re the new guy? Maddie mentioned a new trainee, but you didn’t sound too new to me.” Buck stated, raising his tone a bit at the end as if to phrase a question. “Eddie, right?”

The man in the other end replied, “Suppose word travels fast. Eddie Diaz. I never got your name? Obviously I know your last name, but everyone I’ve met just refers to you as a pain in the ass.” Eddie joked with the man and heard a chuckle in response. 

“Sounds like Maddie.” He paused, “well great job man, truly. You kept Lucas alive long enough for us to find him. And I’m Evan, but everyone also calls by me Buck. Amongst other things apparently.”

Eddie chuckled, “Hey same to you, that was quick thinking with the water cannon. You’re a badass under pressure, I feel better knowing you’re out in the field.” 

Buck knew that telling him it was his last day wouldn’t matter. If this Eddie actually knew Buck, he’d probably be batting for Athena and Bobby’s team. Instead, he thanked Eddie and pressed end. All in a day’s work. He helped clean up what he could and wish Lucas and his mother on their way. One final trip in the truck he had grown to love and that was it for firefighter Evan Buckley. 

————

Eddie opened the door to his apartment and felt a wave of relief when he saw Chris fast asleep on their makeshift bed and a new woman in bright purple blouse and causal slacks who he hadn’t remembered having the pleasure of meeting. 

“Oh goodness honey don’t you look exhausted. Here, I just made some tea, why don’t you have a cup and sit down.” The woman got up and cleared some colored pencils off of a cushion. Eddie took a seat and felt the warmth from the cup radiate into his tired hands. “I’m Carla, your new helper. Veronica left just a bit ago and called me to fill in until you came home.”

Home. What a funny word, Eddie thought as he looked around the dark apartment, only lit up by dim kitchen lights and a single bedside lamp placed in the center of the living room. Home?

“We read some until your boy here curled up and went to sleep. He’s a wonderful kid, couldn’t stop talk about his superhero dad.” Carla smiled as he took a sip of tea, warm with just a touch of cream. 

Eddie sighed and pulled a blanket closer to himself. “I appreciate you being here. We haven’t exactly had the easiest couple of months and Chris has been taking it hard. He hasn’t really opened up to other people much since we left.” He reached your and attempted to rub the exhaustion from his eyes. Carla’s face softened at the sight of the tired and beaten down man, “I don’t mean to pry, but it looks like you didn’t have much time to pack of before moving from...?” She raised an eye at him. 

“Texas,” Eddie cleared his throat, “sudden job change.” 

Carla nodded and reached out, placing a gentle hand on his. With a kind smile, asked, “and with that perfect bone structure? What’d you leave behind? A girlfriend, wife? Would explain the long face, hun.”

He practiced this. The questions were bound to come at some point, “husband actually.”

She nodded again, “Well he’s got to be missing both of your sweet faces.” 

She meant no harm, but Eddie felt himself pull away. Carla took no offense and sat with him a minute longer. 

“Something like that.” He answered. 

“Well you get some sleep then. I’ll be back tomorrow around noon?” She asked. 

Eddie glanced at the time, a little after midnight. “Sure, sounds good.” The focus on his vision getting blurry as his pure exhaustion set in. “Thank you.” 

“Of course. It’s what I’m here for,” she said. Closing the door with a quick wave. 

He settled into a worn t-shirt and sweatpants before curling up next to Christopher. He didn’t wake, but scooted closer time his father, a slight smile gracing his small face. Eddie threw an arm around his son and kissed the top of his messy curls. “Something like that,” he whispered to himself, finishing his tea and dozing off underneath the blankets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys again and comments, kudos, and input is always welcome! I need Buddie friends so join me on tumblr @rememberwhyineededto and I will actually start posting on tumblr soon. Trying to fix my computer first so bear with me. 😊


	3. What This World is About

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> •••TW: Character death (minor, but present ) suicidal thoughts, aftermath of grief, possessive behaviors, domestic violence, drug use!•••
> 
> This was a tough chapter to write for many reasons and I fully intend for the next chapter to be Buddie related, I swear. I just needed to get more backstory developed. It’s the all angst.

The air around Eddie almost sizzled as if it was the pause after a lightning strike before the clap of thunder. Crackling, swirling around him as he stared up at the cracked white ceiling of his shared home. 

“Here.” A quiet voice whispered to him and Eddie closed his eyes as he felt a warm cloth dab at the blood seeping out of a cut above his eye. “Eds I know you didn’t mean to do what you did. You wouldn’t listen, I’m sorry.” 

He rolled to his side and eased up off of the hardwood to gaze at the man in front of him, “I know. I’m sorry.” 

Doug offered a small smile at Eddie, holding the cloth against the bruise already forming on his husband’s brow. He leaned in and planted a kiss on his head. It burned like a branding to Eddie and he fell silent as it landed somewhere in the messy waves that shrouded the haunting, blue eyes in front of him. “I love you Eddie, always have, always will. Don’t forget that.”

Eddie held in a breath while Doug retreated and left Eddie to take stock of his surroundings. The same room as before, but a cloud of gray fell over the house. Lights seeming dimmer, eyes settling on the scarce balls of dust underneath the couch and finding the lone fire truck toy laying on its side facing the wall with a small green army man figure stuck underneath: sad, forgotten. 

This wasn’t the man he was supposed to be. But, who would listen now?

————

The day Christopher was born, Eddie remembers walking into the room, expecting to see his wife’s smiling face holding their new son. Instead, she looked dejected, almost sickly, and wouldn’t turn to face him even as he placed a warm hand on her sunken shoulder and tried to tell her that she couldn’t have done anything differently. He would love his son all the same, but Shannon’s blank stare out of the hospital window did little to bolster his confidence. 

They had gotten Christopher settled into the small bungalow the two, now three, shared and Eddie told Shannon of his deployment date. She had been more stable since Chris came home, seeing a therapist in addition to all of their little boy’s myriad of doctors overseeing his own care. Bid her husband goodbye with a long kiss and promises to talk as often as they could while he was gone. 

Months later he returned, a bit slimmer, more slight crinkles around his mouth and eyes, and a longer beard, but her husband nonetheless. It was then that she was introduced to Doug Kendall, Eddie’s new friend who was a medic serving at the same base as he. A handsome man, tall with piercing blue eyes and brown hair already speckled with streaks of grey. 

She pretended not to notice as they shared secret glances and smiles around her own house. Shannon wasn’t naive or blind to her husband’s dating history, being made aware of his relationships with both men and women before he committed to her and their unborn son. She wanted to hold trust in the man that she placed all of her faith into, but after watching Eddie walk down the tarmac the following year towards the plane, hand-in-hand with his new husband, she felt bile rising in her throat at the thought of spending another Christmas and Birthday with only her one-year old son and an empty bed. 

He wasn’t happy, he told her. Being with her was wonderful and he loved their son very dearly, but he couldn’t continue in this marriage knowing that his feelings were insincere. She understood, knowing that she couldn’t make much of a difference to his new plan. The pain of the news doing no more damage to her already numb insides. One more tour, he told her. Then he would be home, in a larger house across town with Doug. Already picked out, the warm brown wood floors carried just enough give and small chips on the paint indicating that it had been well-loved. They would take in Chris and raise him together. She agreed and watched him leave again, this time mourning the man she once knew as if he was already gone. 

It was when Eddie and Doug returned from their second tour that Shannon noticed a change in the man she used to love. He was more jumpy, cautious, and careful to not raise his voice around Doug. She chalked it up to the war and tried asking her ex-husband what was wrong. He always shook his head and gave the same answers: tired, hungry, busy. 

As much as Shannon loved her sweet boy, the never-ending parade of doctors appointments, school visits, at-home help, and waking up each day to the empty side of her bed weighed her down with each passing week. Eddie and Doug were gone in their third tour, promising it would be the last, but she knew better. 

Each day was the same routine, she grew animatronic and cold. Old friends dropping off casserole dishes with sad, knowing smiles that she let go bad in the refrigerator. Chris started staying with Eddie’s abuela and parents more often than he was home. He would wait eagerly when the door would open up to their bright green lawn and yell to have help down so he could start for the large toy chest her parents-in-law kept for the boy. “They have superheroes mom!” He would excitedly tell her, “like Daddy and Doug are!” She would swallow her pride and nod along, wishing her son a good stay with a kiss. She loved her boy dearly, but his wide smile and messy waves reminded her too much of the man she planned to spend the rest of her life with. The pain of that reminder glaring her down every lonely night. 

Shannon would never end her own life on purpose, she wasn’t blind to how Christopher needed her and how many people she had to rely on. 

But when she found herself crumpled on the asphalt, legs pinned underneath her and numb, hearing a paramedic distantly shout, “Stay with us ma’am, you’ll be okay, just stay with us!” She had never felt so comfortable laying in her own bed and felt reality slowly slip away from her eyes as a warm tear made its way down her cheek. 

———-

Eddie got the call two days later after returning from a convoy transport to a nearby town. He remembers the conversation with his commanding officer telling him that she had died. 

Death struck differently out here, while more tangible, the words simply rattled around in his head, not resonating with him. It wasn’t until he felt a strong arm pull at his waist and lead him away with a grounding grip on his uniform that he felt the punishing kick to his gut and all of the day’s meal was expelled over the hard, red dirt. A gentle hand, running circles on his back and whispering into his ear was all Eddie could focus on. The warm breath against his neck slightly unsettling in the desert heat, but that was very furthest thing from the forefront of his mind as he coughed up the last of his breakfast. He didn’t question when he heard a pill bottle rattle close to him, small white oblong tablet placed into his shaking hand and downed with a swift gulp of air. 

“Just to help you sleep,” Doug whispered to him, helping Eddie up and towards the tent, “I’ll figure it out, don’t worry.”

———-

The following days were a blur to Eddie as he watched Doug come and go from the tent. Watched as he fought with their officer, jabbing a finger into the man’s chest, words failing to make their way into the tent, but Eddie could only imagine what was falling out of Doug’s tight-lipped frown. He took another pill, white powder coating his tongue and leading his eyes to shut as Doug returned into the tent. 

The older man began throwing their belongings in a bag and motioning for Eddie to follow suit. He simply rolled over on the cot, facing the worn, tan fabric littered with rips and pulls. Sleep took hold once again and Eddie slipped away from the haunting reality plaguing his mind. 

On one of the planes returning to Texas, Eddie looked at the paper neatly pinned with his passport and itinerary that read ‘Medically Discharged’. Doug had a matching sheet, but Eddie was not about to ask the man to read it. He never feared his husband before, but he wasn’t blind to the other man’s firm hold on him as they made their way through the Houston airport upon returning to the United States. Suggestions to eat this, drink this, wear this, don’t talk to him, go over here, enforced the hold that Doug had over Eddie. 

However, while standing on a cold plot of land on a overcast day in Texas, Eddie was fine to let Doug step out before him to thank Shannon’s friends and family for attending her funeral. His blue eyes littered with sorrow and never-ending tissues lining his coat pocket for everyone else’s tears. The last thing Eddie wanted to do was think. Especially with the lurking feeling and realization that he was the one to blame for their beloved friend and daughter’s death. 

The passing months were filled with repetitive motions. Doug always had breakfast ready for Eddie, clothes fresh out of the dryer, and a kiss planted on his forehead before heading to the hospital for his shift. After he left, Eddie would resume his position on the large sofa, curled up with the familiar bitter and powdery taste on his tongue, sending him cascading through a state of disturbed sleep and passive consciousness. Waiting until Doug would return home, urge Eddie to shower and crawl into bed with him, exhausted from the days at the hospital rendering his attempted comfort to his grieving husband useless. 

Slowly, Eddie’s mind seemed to clear. First, he noticed the aching pain possessing his entire body. The pain soon gave way to anger and he found himself spending time in the home gym that Doug had curated. Hours on the treadmill or stationary bicycle everyday followed up by limited calories and nutrients changed Eddie’s once strong physique that was bulked with muscle and strength into a thin, frail looking man who carried his despair in his eyes. 

That’s the first thing his parents and abuela noticed when he and Doug came to finally pick up Christopher and move him back into their home. The once warm wood and vibrant curtains grew dull as they too seemed to ache for the sound of laughter to fill the house once again. His abuela covered her mouth as her grandson ghosted around the yard playing with his son, jeans baggy and structured shirt showing the obvious gaps in his body. 

Doug pulled the family aside and told them, hushed, “It’s been really hitting him hard. Between Shannon and leaving the Army, I’m honestly surprised he’s still standing.” They nodded as if to understand where their boy had disappeared too in the midst of so many changes. 

———-

Christopher was nearing six years old now and Eddie had begun looking more like himself. His body, although exhausted from all of the fluctuations, had finally started to fill out more. He switched out the treadmill for familiar weight sets and found himself feeling better with each passing day. A hole, still ripping apart his insides at the wake of his ex-wife’s sudden death, seemed to stop consuming him more with each day. He loved Shannon dearly and woke up everyday wishing that he would’ve been better to her, saw things from her side, and not just run off. Trying to talk to Doug about Shannon led to a quick dismissal and Eddie learned to not bring it up to the man. 

It was out when Eddie was running errands after meeting Doug at a lunch spot next to the hospital that he passed the sign on the Fire Department’s door boasting the graduates of this year’s Fire Academy and offering bright Manila folders full of information for those interested. He picked one up hesitantly and took off when a paramedic tried to wave him over to the open door with many more men and women in their pressed navy uniforms greeting eager young candidates. 

Eddie sat at the desk in their living room and cautiously opened the folder to peer at the contents. Tossing the bright orange folder in the wastebasket, he peered at the smiling faces wearing baseball hats emblazoned with various numbers in indicating which stations they were chosen to go to upon graduation. ‘Join Today!’ The print almost taunted Eddie as he pulled out the questionnaire that told him if he may be a good fit for the department. 

Checking boxes and filling in what he could, he didn’t hear the garage door open, only the front door slam behind him and footsteps begin down the hall towards the room. He panicked, feeling blood rush up to his face as he shoved the papers underneath books littering the desk. Almost on his feet by the time Doug entered the room, he exhaled just before watching his husband’s hand pick up the envelope and twist the thick paper between his fingers. 

The only sound filling the room were Eddie’s shallow breaths, all too knowing of the multitude of times that Doug told him to say home, he couldn’t work and wasn’t well enough. 

Doug looked up at Eddie, blue eyes cutting through Eddie’s own and asked, “Why do you do this? I ask one thing of you and you turn it into a battle of wills.”

Eddie stuttered, “That wasn’t what I wanted. I just can’t do this anymore. I’m fine now, I need to work, do something that matters.”

The other man shook his head in distaste, “You really don’t know when to listen to me, do you? I’ve been here this whole time Eddie, waiting for you, watching as you fueled your drug-ridden depression and became nothing,” he spat. 

Instead of recoiling, Eddie moved closer to Doug and pointed a finger directly at his chest, “You did that to me. I am not this person, I don’t even know who I am anymore, because everything I have is tied up in you!” He shouted back, willing the tears threatening to spill into his cheeks to recede back behind his narrowing eyes. “I don’t want this! I never wanted this!” 

“You think I did?” Doug sneered, “I longed to spend my days with my husband who barely could roll out of bed and who needed help even washing his own hair because his damn legs aren’t strong enough to hold himself for more than five minutes? Yes, Eddie I wanted this too. Was it really just exhaustion or were those just the drugs in your system that you refused to get off?” His face was boiling red now as he closed in on Eddie, “I never wanted this, but I’m here. And this-“ he motioned to the envelope still hostage in his hand, “this is how you repay me?”

Eddie opened his mouth to respond and instead was met with a sickening thud and ringing from the side of his head. He stumbled back, falling onto his knees and retreating against the sofa. 

Doug’s eyes widened at the sight of his husband, tears welled up in his haunting, brown eyes and the blood began to trickle down from above his eye. Eddie pushed back from the man, hand going up to shield his face as Doug told him, “I have to go get Chris and take him to Brian’s for a sleepover.” He left the room without another word and Eddie felt his head fall to the hard floor. Catching a glimpse of one of Chris’ red toy trucks and a little Army Man underneath the couch. He focused on the truck, wiping his eyes clear before realizing that it was a fire truck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback always welcome, as always! Follow me on tumblr to support my lack of Buddie friends! Also thank you to the I’m Your Buddie Discord server for giving me help and support ❤️


	4. Radio Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mention of talking down people from suicide, watching them give up. That’s about all, it’s a lighter chapter this time. Enjoy—

Over the past week, Eddie had found that his apartment almost magically started looking more like a home. Magic as it were, was the result of a certain fairy godmother who had also cracked the enigma of getting Christopher to sleep on time and all the way through the night. 

He opened the apartment door at the end of a particularly long day and smiled at the scene in front of him. A dark brown microfiber couch filled up one side of the living room with a strategically set up white sheet draped across the length of the couch. Pillows and clothespins cleverly placed underneath it to create a pocket of bright white light below the cotton roof and a clear silhouette of his son holding a book came into view. A trail of bright goldfish contrasting with the dark sofa leading into the fort brought a chuckle. 

Carla placed her own book down on the arm of the rather faded and cracked red leather recliner that had been positioned on the wall adjacent to the couch. 

“You really need to stop doing this,” Eddie beat her to the punch. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m beyond grateful that you’re here and I do enjoy having an actual sofa to sit on, but the last thing I want to do is inconvenience you when you’ve already done so much more than I could have ever asked for.” 

“You hush,” she told him, “some of the perks of working for elderly folks as well sometimes leads to downsizing, moving into retirement homes and leaving otherwise perfectly comfortable furniture to be sent to donation. Might as well be able to be put to good use.” 

Chris poked his head out of the fort and eagerly asked, “Can we have a movie night tonight? Carla said to ask you when you got home!”

“Anything for you, little man.”

She smiled at Eddie and motioned to a copy of ‘Finding Nemo’ sitting by the sofa. “You two have fun! I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Chris excitedly grabbed the disk and started singing to himself, “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming...” as Eddie grabbed a sweater and gym shorts from the clean clothes pile on the floor to change in to, neatly laying his maroon 911 Dispatcher button-down to the side of the ‘clean’ pile. Hampers were next on the shopping list, but for now, it’d have to do. 

Luckily, the apartment came with a microwave and Eddie tossed a bag of popcorn in for a minute while helping his son dismantle the fort enough where they both had a seat. 

The steaming hot bag was placed on the floor momentarily as Eddie laid down, Chris’ head resting on his chest, urging his dad to start the movie, babbling about his favorite characters and scenes. 

The two were peaceful, both fast asleep long before the end of the movie, sleeping soundly in their new home. 

————

Buck knew while walking into the station that he still had to prove he belonged at the 118 again. He returned his coworker’s curt nods of welcome in his direction and stuffed his bag into its usual spot in the locker room. He look up to find Hen walking into the locker room as he was tying his on his boots.

“Welcome back,” she voiced, leaning against the door frame. 

“You know you’re the first one to actually say that to me? I’m starting to think I should’ve brought a sweater because I am definitely feeling a chill.” 

“Careful Buck,” she warned, “Bobby hears you making one more terrible joke and you may be out of here even faster than last time.”

The two breathed in a simultaneous cackle and Hen took a seat on the bench next to him, both looking out of the glass walls at the bright red trucks waiting, almost glistening proudly in the light. “You have friends here. Everyone just feels like they have to follow Cap’s lead.”

“Thank you for being here for me. I know I’m a punk and make stupid decisions without thinking, but I never wanted to let anyone down or lose you guys.”

She leaned into to him, jutting her shoulder into his side with a laugh, “See? You can be a person. I know you’re in there you just have to get that big head of yours screwed on straight—“ She paused as an amused grin lit up Buck’s face, “NOT in that way!”

She got up and started towards the door. He followed close behind, stopping her before she reached the doorway, “Do you really think that?”

“Buck,” she snickered lightheartedly, “for Halloween this year I truly believe that you need to follow your life-long dream of actually becoming a mischievous, yet charming Golden Retriever puppy. Means well, but trips over his own feet every second because his legs are too damn long.” 

She reached out and pulled him in for a hug, “You’re a good kid. Just haven’t figured it all out yet.”

Alarms sounded throughout the station and both firefighters grabbed their gear and headed for their respective vehicles.

The call came from a local amusement park and described a rollercoaster that had gotten stuck on the tracks and the passengers were hanging upside down from the cars above a most certainly fatal drop. 

One man had already fallen, slipping as soon as the machine failed working. Chimney and Hen got to work on the victim while Buck had been given the signal to gear up and climb on top of the tracks and pull the passengers to safety. 

As he scaled the metal riggings, a man seemingly to be in his early twenties was visibly struggling to hold on to the car’s safety bar that had disengaged and was limply hanging alongside the passengers. 

Buck racked his brain for anything he could use the help and could only muster up one question while he climbed, “What’s your name?” 

“Devon.” The man visibly shaking replied.

“Devon, you can do this, just grab the loop.”

Moments passed, Buck’s eagerly pleaded to the man who slipped down further with each waning second. He just had to reach up three inches and he’d be alive. The instant Buck reached down to try and grab ahold of Devon again, his hand gripped nothing but thin air as he watched the man plummet down the the ground with a sickening thud, followed by horrified shrieks from onlookers and the other passengers awaiting rescue. 

Chimney and Hen descended on Devon almost immediately. Soon covering Buck’s view, but not before he saw Devon’s shirt blossoming into a dark red pattern and his face, hardly recognizable, expressionless and cold. 

He ignored his gut reaction to stop working and grieve the loss, picking himself up off the track and making his way towards the next. Two different faces stared up at him this time, tears creating cracks on the girls’ makeup and wide eyes pleading with Buck to get them out safely. 

His return to the ground was met with boisterous cheers and applause from the ever growing crowd. A fake smile graced his lips and he mustered up all the possible energy he had left to thank the people for supporting his team and making this a success. That bitter word hanging off of his breath as he took a seat in the safety of the truck. 

Bobby met him on the bench with a pat on his back. Ready to fire off another “thank you” he should’ve known better when instead, Bobby told him, “It’s okay, Buck. You did the best job you could have done and I wouldn’t have been able to do it any differently.” He watched as the young firefighter slung his rescue gear on the metal floor with a loud clang and sat down next to Bobby, holding his head in his hands, voice cracking and laced with tears. 

“I lost him Bobby. I had him and I lost him.”

Bobby rested a hand on Buck’s trembling shoulder, “Some people have their minds made up before we even arrive. They choose in the moment when their own emergency happens whether to live or surrender. Nothing you said could’ve changed his mind at that point. You know why we do the maneuver, right? And fill bags around landing zones for jumpers?”

“So they don’t die?” Buck guessed, honestly seemed to be a rather blunt question, but he humored his captain. 

“Exactly,” Bobby paused, “because their minds were made up before we even arrived. Relying on just our voices to talk them out of ending their own life is not a position we can realistically be in everyday. Playing a high stakes guessing games while we try to decipher the problems in their lives within the seconds that they could jump. Figuring out why they have been pushed to this limit on top of a roof or on a balcony. No, we are fortunate to have supplies and techniques to help create a second line of defense. Some people, though, they just don’t want to be saved and when our words fail them, they give up.”

He stopped to look at Buck, head still in his hands, but looking up at Bobby and visibly hanging on to every word, blindly hoping that one would lessen the burden he felt crushing his body. 

“The boy—“ 

“Devon,” Buck interrupted, “his name was Devon.”

Bobby started again, “Devon had his mind made up before he ever saw you reach for him. When we talk down jumpers, or other people threatening to end their own life and we have no maneuver, air bags, or support system in place, we’re fighting a loosing battle. Sometimes getting lucky enough to get the upper hand, but more often than not, people just don’t want to be saved. But you did everything you could’ve done, Evan.”

Bobby eased up, keeping an eye on Buck as he sat back in the truck, eyes forward and lips pressed shut, only opening slightly to say, “Thanks Bobby. I tried, I really did.”

“I know kid. I know.”

————

While folding clothes fresh out of his brand new white plastic hamper, Eddie had their new TV on a local news station. He had been flipping through the channels on and off all morning before he started his shift. 

The newscasters voice began the next report as Eddie lifted a hamper filled with t-shirts to carry into the other room. “With us now is Evan ‘Buck’ Buckley, the hero firefighter who risked his life climbing the broken ride.”

He didn’t think anything of it, report going on one ear and out the other, but a familiar voice gave him pause. 

“When I reached out to pull him out of the car,” Eddie poked his head in from the kitchen and set the bin down as the man continued, “He didn’t give me his hand. I tried to save him, I did.”

“Buck?” He questioned. Almost at the same moment, the man on the TV turned to the camera, face littered with sorrow and even slightly panicked Eddie would guess as if he didn’t know better. 

A knock on the door startled Eddie and tore his attention away. 

“Morning!” Carla’s voice sung out as she unlocked the door. 

Eddie grabbed the forgotten bin, shoving it aside before picking up his keys and meeting Carla in the kitchen. “I should be back around dinner-time. Hopefully not too late.”

“Bye little man!” He called to his waking son and watched as Carla began talking to the small boy. 

In the crack of his front door before it shut, Eddie heard Chris’ delighted shout in response to Carla telling him they would be going to the Zoo today. He took a moment to silently thank whatever motions were at work to bring such a great person into their lives and closed the door, rolling up his burgundy sleeves on the forearms to hide the previous day’s wrinkles. 

•••

‘Not a bad day’ He thought, unlocking the apartment door and yelling out a welcome to Carla or Chris. 

A shushing sound came around the hallway corner as Eddie heard a door quietly click closed and footsteps coming into the kitchen. “Chris just passed out in his room, I just didn’t want to wake him.”

“No, no that’s great. I’m glad he is sleeping normally again.”

They both took a seat on the barstools in the kitchen, overlooking the living room with a bright light from the TV washing everything in a shade of blue. 

“He loves all the animals and absolutely loved the flamingoes,” Carla faced him and with a more serious tone asked, “he kept talking about a Doug? Said they used to go to the zoo all the time back at home?”

Eddie shifted nervously in his seat, “Ex-husband. Chris’ stepfather.”

“Texas?”

He nodded solemnly in response. 

“I promised myself I wouldn’t pry, but what was so bad about it that you both took off to LA with barely a pillow to lay your own head on?”

Eddie knew she just wanted to help, but the stern voice that answered her took even him by surprise, “I don’t want to talk about him.”

She gave him space, not asking anything else. 

He cast his eyes out at the living room, only now being met with a familiar face displayed on the TV. 

“Firefighter Evan ‘Buck’ Buckley who people are referring to now as the ‘County Fair Spider-Man!” The reporter turned to face Buck who looked decidedly more shaken than the last interview. 

“Damn he’s gone national,” Eddie muttered, keeping a careful eye on Buck’s fiddling hands and wandering eyes. 

“You know that big hunk of man meat?” Carla playfully bumped Eddie’s arm, trying to apologize for overstepping earlier. 

“I’m very glad for the people we help and for those we didn’t, I’m so sorry for your loss,” Buck again looked at the camera, pain so heartbreakingly obvious on his face. 

The reporter, a fairly attractive young blonde women, didn’t have anything seemingly useful to say after Buck’s apology. She instead looked into the camera and asked, “So we’re getting a lot of twitter questions, mostly asking if you’re single?” Even she looked intrigued by the answer and Eddie scoffed, sitting back on the stool. 

“Oh that’s really sweet of them, but I’m not so sure they’d feel the same way if they saw me out of this uniform,” He stammered, trying to backtrack, “not like that I mean.” 

An empty smile took hold on Buck’s face as the reporter started leading out of the interview, “Well thank you, Evan for all you—“ Eddie shut the TV off, relishing the quiet that fell over the room. 

“He didn’t answer the question,” he mumbled, forgetting Carla was so close. 

“You should call him. Even with all the other attention bound to come with a face like that and adorable birthmark to top it all off, that boy looks like he could use a friend and Lord knows you do too.” She turned to face him. 

“I don’t know. I’m not really one to randomly reach out to someone I barely know and ask about their feelings,” Carla laughed at the man’s answer, but let him continue, “I know how he feels, everyone treating you like a hero when in your mind, the only person you were trying to save died.”

“Honey, you help people all the time without ever seeing their face and now this boy is desperately in need of some form of help and you’re really going to turn a blind eye?”

Great, now he’d look like an absolute asshole if he didn’t call. 

“Fine,” Eddie grumbled, scrolling through his contacts the very short distance to the B’s. “I’ll take it in the other room.”

He closed the bedroom door behind him and considered not calling, telling Carla he didn’t answer, or forgoing the whole idea altogether. Almost starting to regret saving Buck’s number after he called during the home invasion, he recalled Buck’s face still fresh in his mind. The firefighter carried a sadness that rung out against all of the praise and attention, falling on deaf ears to all those except the ones who know to listen for it. 

He put the phone up to his ear and almost took it away when it started ringing, but a voice on the other end stopped him from doing so. 

“Yeah?” Buck’s voice sounded on the other end. 

“Uh..” Eddie stammered, “This is Eddie Diaz from the other day?”

The silence that followed almost led Eddie to hang up a third time. Stupid thinking that Buck would remember who he was. 

“Hey! How’s it going man, have any other particularly insane calls recently?” Buck was out finishing up a call in the valley and appreciated the break to slip off his helmet and get some fresh air. 

“Nothing that crazy, I have to say. Hey, speaking of wild calls, I caught your interview on the news today.”

“Yeah,” Buck trailed off, “Everywhere I go people are patting my back and congratulating me, but people died. I had to watch them die.” He looked out at the mountains in the distance, going between the view and focusing on his boots in front of him, digging in the dirt. 

“I know the feeling. I was an Army medic back in Afghanistan. The first loses are always the toughest. The silence after their heart stops beating is like no other kind of quiet.” The break of quiet resonating with the two men. They knew the same sound like the back of their hands. 

“Army, huh? And they have you holed up in dispatch when you could be out in the streets like us?” 

Eddie, slightly taken aback, but not panicked answered, “Better days, man. What was the man’s name who fell?”

“Devon. All he had to do was take my hand.”

Hearing the pain in Buck’s voice, Eddie spoke, “Remember his name. You’ll always carry it with you, but remember his name and his face. Some people try to forget, especially in the Army, they want you to flip a switch and shut off all natural feelings and human emotion. But I found it better to let yourself remember, especially when no one else seems to be.”

An understanding settled between the two men. Buck placing his helmet back on and Eddie opening the bedroom door to go into his son’s room. 

“Thank you for calling, I appreciate it.” 

“No worries Buck.” Eddie paused in the hallway intending to end the call before stepping into Chris’ room. 

“Quick question- anyone ever call you Diaz?” Buck interjected, catching Eddie a touch off-guard. 

He stopped and leaned into the wall, “Not usually if they want me to respond.” He retorted with a small smirk lining his face. 

“Well I’m not too sure how dispatch runs, Maddie only tells me so much, but here at the 118, we live off of nicknames. There’s me, Cap, Chimney, Hen just to start. If you’re in this now, I can’t just call you ‘Eddie’. 

“Just ‘Eddie’ is okay with me, don’t stress about it. I’ll see you around?” He opened Chris’ door and watched his son’s chest rise and fall peacefully, covered in a sleep shirt with bright colored dinosaurs. 

“Sounds good. Or I’ll hear you around? Makes sense right, hear you around?” Buck cackled into the line, voice a bit looser than when he first answered. 

“Fair enough. Talk to you later.” Eddie pushed end and closed the door the Chris’ room, being met with a smiling Carla face. 

“Go well?” She asked. 

“Sure, I guess,” he tried avoiding the question and grabbed some dinner from the freezer, “seems like a good guy.”

“See, even you Mr. King of Brooding needs friends to sit and sulk with. Start there. Same time tomorrow?”

“See you then.” 

Carla closed the door and Eddie sat back down. A friend? He hadn’t thought that far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for all the support guys! May be a second until the next chapter, I finally have to work again so worst case, it’ll be Sunday. Just wanted some Buddie in there. Your comments keep me going and kudos always appreciated. ❤️ Maybe I’ll get the computer fixed and not have to suffer while writing new chapters in a notebook and then transferring them to my phone.


	5. Splits a Family in Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its short (and a cliffhanger oop) I apologize in advance, next one is a good length with some good stuff. I promised I'd have one today and couldn't write the whole thing :( Thank you guys for continued support and comments/kudos/input always welcome! And yes, Eddie says he was a firefighter in this chapter, the explanation is coming.

Buck had talked to Eddie a select few times before this. Nothing major, mostly work related calls and a couple shared stories thrown in the mix. So when he sat in the bustling mess of emergency vehicles, staring at the water full of people's lives, belongings, and cold bodies with blurry vision, all he could do was focus on the voice on the opposite end of the line, riddled with such obvious despair.

“You found him?”

“I’m sorry Eddie, he didn’t make it. I know it’s not what you wanted to hear.” Buck sat on a forlorn tarp overlooking the water and stared at the searchlights that were so desperate to shine on anything showing signs of life. The silence screaming into the phone ended with an abrupt ring as Buck took the phone away from his ear. He turned it off and looked down at the coroner zipping up the man’s lifeless body. Eddie just wanted some good news. One good outcome and Buck couldn’t even give him that. 

They were used to bad news, especially when giving it other people, but Buck had learned a very select few things about the other man. Those facts gave him grief enough to wish that he didn’t have to tell Eddie that the man he was searching and hoping for had died in the crash. Buck knew that Eddie had not been in the city long and moved from Texas, but still was unsure why. His son Christopher was the only one here with him who Buck assumed was from a previous relationship, but again never asked more. 

By no means did Eddie seem like a weak man, he just seemed fleeting, almost grayed out by the wash of the world. Akin to an animal spotted in their habitat, Eddie always sounded uncertain on the phone and ended their talks with sudden haste. He carried an air of mystery as if one wrong move would send him into hiding. 

After Buck had told him the news of the man, he accepted Eddie’s absence from his life. They weren’t close by any means, but Buck looked forward to their talks and the two would laugh while going through their days, speaking of the details and stories worth sharing at the end of a shift. Mere acquaintances it seemed, maybe with the possibility of being friends, but after this, silence rang on the line for days to follow. 

All the more cause for Buck’s surprise when Eddie’s contact came across his phone late one night after shift, voice breathless and panicked.

“He’s gone,” A loud broken exhale sounded on the line as Eddie continued, “I’m sorry I really didn’t know who else to call. I called Madddie and she’s on shift, she said to call you and I don’t want to bother you, I should just go--”

“Who? Who is gone?” Buck interrupted, suddenly sitting up on his bed, anticipating the next words. 

“I came home and my God, I just needed a minute to shut my eyes. Just a minute I swear, I didn’t mean to, I didn’t know.” Eddie was even more breathless, almost trying to justify the accident to Buck and apologize for something that he couldn’t have helped. 

“Eddie, who is gone? Talk to me, what happened?” Buck asked again, already pulling a sweatshirt on and grabbing his shoes from where he threw them off earlier in the day.

“Chris. Chris is gone,” Eddie continued, barely taking a breath now, “I don’t know if I told you, I probably didn’t, but Chris has Cerebral Palsy. He has crutches, he can’t go far, someone always goes everywhere with him and now he’s gone. I just needed to rest for a second, I didn’t mean to sleep and now he’s gone. I woke up and the door was open.”

“You need to breath. Take slow breaths, won’t do you any good if you’re passed out,” Buck cringed at his own attempt to help the other man and grabbed his keys while slipping out of the door, careful not to wake one of his roomates who was passed out on the couch, surrounded by empty six-packs. 

“What if someone took him? Child predators are everywhere now and we’re in LA I mean that has to be kidnapping central and I never even warned him not to talk to strangers, Chris loves everybody, he’d never know. Unless it was some--” Eddie trailed off in thought. No, he wouldn’t. Doug doesn’t know where they are, he’d been so careful to erase every possible trace of them. 

“You need to stop. Breathe, text me your address and we can start looking. I’m going to call Athena and get the word out. You shouldn’t do this alone and we can cover more ground with more people searching.”

“I was in the Army. I was a damn firefighter, I should be able to handle stressful situations better than this, I just can’t.” Eddie sounded more harsh now, upset at more than just the situation.

“Everything changes when its our own call, you know that. It’s going to be okay, we will find him.” Buck’s usual optimism toned down, but his blind belief in finding Chris helped push a small bit of air back into Eddie’s lungs.

“I hope so,” Eddie paused as he sent his address, “Thank you.”

“Anytime, man. I’ll be there in a couple of minutes.”

A knock at Eddie’s front door was met by a mutually tentative look between Buck and Carla. He stammered, “I think I’m at the wrong place,” and went to turn away until he heard her find her own footing.

“Sorry hun. You must be Buck? You looked fine on that interview but I had no idea you’d be so…” She weighed her words as the younger man looked hesitantly past her and into the apartment, “Tall?”

He chuckled and stuck out a hand, “Um, thank you? The pleasure’s all mine. And you must be?”

“Carla,” Her face broke out into a sad, knowing smile, “I take care of Chris and occasionally his father because between you and me, he can not be the best at worrying about himself.” She finished in a whisper and opened the door, motioning Buck through the small entryway into the kitchen where he was met with pleading amber eyes that matched the voice her had grown familiar with.

“Thanks for coming, you really didn’t have to,” He said as he got up from the barstool to formally introduce himself. Eddie was slightly taken aback by the other man. He had a large frame, built with noticeable lean muscle and even tan skin only broken apart by smooth swirls of black ink around his forearms. It was the eyes though that gave him pause. The blue almost sent Eddie reeling, but these were different. Almost green in the kitchen light, basking the two in a warm, golden glow. These weren’t the eyes that Eddie was used to. No, these were warm, marked by the slightest smile lines and heavy eyelashes. They were kind, wide, and trusting, very different from the ones that plagued Eddie’s memories.

“Well that’d be shitty,” Buck said, blunt honesty always ringing true, “So what do we know so far?”

The two settled around the kitchen counter as Eddie shifted some papers off of a city map that drew in Buck’s focus. 

“I marked where we are and every place that Chris knows. We haven’t been here long, so there aren’t many, but they’re all a fair distance away especially for him. You would think a young kid with crutches wouldn’t be able to go very far without someone noticing and trying to help. Hopefully to help, at least. So I figured out his usual walking place and given that he’s been gone a little over two hours, I drew an area where he is likely to be, given that he was walking. I want to hope that he isn’t in a car or bus somewhere, but it still is a lot to cover.”

Buck looked over at the man next to him, eyes focused on the map, slightly rimmed with red. If Eddie had been crying, which based on their phone call, he likely was earlier, Buck couldn’t tell now. He was absorbed in the map, voice steady and unwavering. The precise calculations and measurements impressed him, it gave them a good base to start from. “Do you have a picture of him? Of Chris? I can get it to Athena and she get start putting together an alert to get out.”

“Fuck, I should’ve done that already. I have some school photos from last year? His hair is a bit longer now, but they’re more detailed than the ones on my phone,” Eddie stood, one hand going from rubbing his tired eyes to up in his hair, tugging on the skin in frustration at himself. “I’ll go grab them from his room.”

Eddie crossed the living room and opened a door marked with a bright blue spaceship and bright neon lettering spelling out ‘Christopher’. He closed the door behind him and left Buck and Carla to the fresh coffee she had just brewed. 

“Thank you for coming,” She said, “I haven’t known Eddie or Chris for very long, but he needs this. Needs friends to reach out to. Awful given the circumstances, but I know he’s grateful. Even if those friends are firemen who look an awful lot like a cartoon prince who got punched in the eye.” She joked with Buck and it helped both of them settle into their seats a little bit more, “Coffee?”

“Please,” He answered, taking the paper cup that Carla handed him.

“We’re still working on the dishes part. Just recently found this furniture and moved it in before he could tell me not to. They barely had anything when I first came, Eddie said it was a sudden job change?” She looked at Buck as if he might know the reason why and he just shook his head in response.

“He hasn’t told me much. Honestly I’m surprised he even called me after the plane crash. I want to help, but never wanted to overstep especially given how little he seems to like to disclose things already. But, I need friends too. Real friends. I haven’t had the best couple of months either, so I want to be there in anyway that I can be.” 

They both sipped the coffee and waited. Buck looked around at the house, clean and comforting. Sure, it was a bit sparse, but given his own current living situation and house with rotating ‘young professionals’ who cared more for the parties they hosted on the weekends than they actual work week, it was inviting and felt secure. Soft blankets draped over the sofa and recliner in the corner, a small TV was stationed on a coffee table that had one leg propped up on a book, and a couple of toys littered the carpet. Most well-loved looked to be a bright red fire truck positioned on the arm of the couch, a ladder went up to the back and a rather worn-looking green Army man sat atop the lift. A collection of Legos sat in the corner by the recliner seeming to be in various stages of building. None of the precariously pieced together shapes looked to resemble much, just colorful blocks with wheels on all the various sides. 

The coffee was good. A welcome warmth given the tense situation so Buck helped himself to another cup and resumed pouring over the map marked with sharp, neat handwriting noting ‘Ice Cream’, ‘Park’, ‘Work’. His focus was cut short when he heard a door open and looked up to see Eddie slowly stumbled out, clutching an envelope with illegible writing on the address line in white-knuckled hands. He looked visibly ill and pallid and spoke with a shaking voice, “He’s gone. He’s trying to go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said it was short, I'm sorry :( Bad writer's block but back to it this week! I'll try to have the next one up before Wednesday so you guys don't suffer too long. Thank you again and I'm on tumblr same user if anyone wants a buddie friend!


	6. These Are The Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who? I'm so sorry its only taken four months for me to update, life became a thing. Its a shorter chapter, but I wanted to post it because it was done and I'm not giving up! The next one is well in the works and should be up this week so thank you for sticking it out if you're still here and I hope you enjoy

“Home? What do you mean home? You can't mean-”

“Texas. He’s going to see Doug.”

Eddie slowly turned around and Buck noticed the letter clasped in his shaking hand. Carla let out an audible gasp behind the two men and Buck motioned to the note, “What did he say? If you know where he’s trying to go, we might be able to stop him before he leaves the city. Unless he’s…” He trailed off, daring not to meet Eddie’s cutting amber eyes that had to be thinking the same thing as Buck, he just didn’t say it out loud.

The three made it to the kitchen counter again and took another glance at the daunting LA city map. Narrowing it down almost made it worse, knowing that Eddie’s son was out there somewhere alone and wasn’t intent on staying here much longer. Buses, trains, cars, planes, the possibilities of how the boy could leave were endless, but there wasn’t a place for Buck to start letting his nerves get the best of him. Especially when the man next to him who was practically a stranger resorted to calling one of LA’s not-so-finest to help him, they already had their work cut out for them without Buck’s anxiety to add to the mix.

“We have to go and start searching somewhere, I can’t sit here any longer.” Eddie shoved the stool he was sitting on backwards and it hit the counter with a loud clang. Buck and Carla looked between each other while Eddie started throwing on a hoodie and shoes. “Are you going to help or am I doing this by myself?”

Buck got up and followed suit, carefully picking out his next words to the frantic man, “Eddie, I don’t mean to scare you or think that we won’t find your son-”

“Christopher. His name is Christopher and we have to find him, I swear if he goes back, I can’t do it, I can’t go back.” His voice carried something different this time, a fear not for his son or a protective overtone, but a small voice laced with something else that Buck couldn’t quite put a finger on. It bothered Buck that he couldn’t place the wavering tone in Eddie’s voice, but it didn’t matter now, they had to go. It’d come to him later.

The night air carried an usual bite for this season in LA, and Buck pulled his shoulders in to cut the wind as they got into Eddie’s truck. Buck’s beloved Jeep was parked along the street and he offered to take it, especially after learning that Eddie’s didn’t have heat or AC, but Eddie insisted that he didn’t want to burden Buck so before it was debated anymore, they had pulled out of the driveway just a crackling radio that filled the stale air between them.

His son’s words echoed in his mind, crossing his vision with memories of the two leaving Texas weeks ago.

_I know Doug hurt you Daddy, but I miss him. I’m sorry for wanting to go back._

Chris knew. How much did he know? Eddie didn’t have the answer to that. He just needed to find his son before he was forced to fight for him.

“Athena is calling around to every transportation hub in the city limits, sending them Christopher’s picture and description. If he hasn’t left yet, we’ll find him.” Buck tried to offer what support he could, but Eddie’s white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel didn’t budge.

“So where are we going first? I should've brought the map, I don’t know anything outside of the drive to the dispatch center and my house. Well, I know just about every ice cream shop on that stretch of road. We’ve been trying to hit every one after moving, old traditions I guess. We did it in Texas too.” Eddie seemed to ease up at this, and Buck could’ve almost seen an upturn to his stoic face.

“What else do you guys like to do? It may lead us to something that we haven’t thought of.” While that might be true, Buck almost got the feeling that Eddie hadn’t talked about the good memories much and wanted to share his son with people who cared enough to listen. If that is all he could offer right now while the image of Christopher was broadcast over the entire city in the hopes of finding him safe and sound, then that’s what Buck would do.

The two made small talk while driving to the first stop that Buck had decided on. The bus station seemed like the most probable bet with limited security and staff to check alerts during the dead of night, so they planned to start there and check possible routes. Kids take the bus system frequently because of its affordability and ease so Chris wouldn't have run into many problems.

Eddie told Buck about Chris, carefully emitting stories with Doug or involving the man to any extent. Buck obviously knew that Eddie had a life back in Texas in addition to being enlisted at some point due to his ‘Veteran’ license plate, but he did not waver from talking about Chris on the drive. He had mentioned that Chris was going back to a ‘Doug’, and as much as Buck wanted to press this further and get any hints possible at where the boy was, he just kept asking questions, learning about Chris’ Lego craftsmanship, which Eddie had classified as more of him just sticking things together, and his love of superheroes.

With more time passing, Buck felt himself more at ease as Eddie started visibly lighting up while talking about his son. Small smile lines cracked through his tanned skin as Eddie took a hand off of the steering wheel to demonstrate the size of the stack of coloring books that Chris had worked through since they’d been in LA.

“He just loves mixing all of the colors together and creating a ‘masterpiece’ to show off. We’ll put together art shows once a week for Carla when she comes to stay with him and--,” Eddie stopped suddenly and focused back on the road, eyes staring straight ahead with blatant hesitation painted clearly upon his sullen face. “I’m sorry, I really don’t know why I’m telling you all this. I shouldn’t be.”

Silence weaved its way in between the seats while Buck struggled to find words to say. “Do you want to get a cup of coffee?” Not exactly the grand, reassuring gesture that he wanted, but Eddie’s silent nod in response was all that he needed.

The car sputtered to a roadside gas station that had a small neon sign for coffee and Eddie parked, sitting back in the seat for a minute and resting his eyes against the headrest. “If you just let me know what you want, I can run in really quick. I don’t mind.” Buck asked Eddie who looked even more defeated and exhausted than before even though they hadn’t even made a stop yet.

Usually Eddie wasn’t one to take up offers of sad generosity, but something about the way Buck talked made it not sound like pity, just well-placed sympathy. “Just a large black coffee. Hot please, I thought LA was supposed to be hotter than Texas.” Eddie told him, half joking, but the night chill had wrapped itself around him, sweeping into his rattling bones.

“Eddie, I’m not getting you black coffee that’s just disgusting.” Buck very pointedly told him and lifted an eyebrow, awaiting a better offer.

Eddie offered him a small chuckle in return and asked, “If I let you put just cream in it, is that enough for you?”

“Much better. I know it's a shit night, but black coffee is just plain depressing. I’ll be back.” Buck grabbed his wallet from the cup holder before Eddie could offer up a dollar or two in change.

“Wait, Buck I can give you cash,” Eddie tried to stop him and instead Buck just turned around with a smile.

“It’s gas station coffee at 3:00am Eddie. Just thank me if you don’t die.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos may make it post faster?? Read my other fic if you want some sad angst. Hopefully I'll be back in less than four months.


	7. The Edge of the Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks who's going for the second chapter in a row!! I keep telling myself that I'm going to write longer chapters because I hate reading fics with short chapters, but I had a rough day and everyone's wonderful comments made me want to get this up as quick as I could! I'm sorry for all of the filler stuff, I know you guys want to get to the good stuff (which will start next chapter ;) lol) Maybe tomorrow or the next day for the next one since its very involved and long? It won't be four months though, I promise. Thank you for your continued support and even though its short, it establishes some things between Eddie and Buck!

Around 3:00am Eddie and Buck pulled into the major Bus station coming in and out of the city. The night’s stress began to visibly affect both men, fluorescent flickering lights highlighted the bags forming underneath their eyes. Eddie, who hadn’t gotten a decent night's sleep without the help of a sleeping pill in months, was wearing thin. The coffee gave a small much-needed boost, but had already worn off by the time he actually needed it.

A man dressed in a bright neon vest combined with a heavy baseball hat and khaki pants was leaning against a concrete wall next to a forgotten ticketing booth. Eddie was about to turn the other way and motion for Buck to follow, but instead leaned in to empty air beside him and turned to see the back of Buck’s head bobbing through people towards the booth. 

“Buck!” He gave his best whisper-shout to the other man, but it was lost in the midst of the footsteps of moving passengers bustling to the newest bus arrival. “I really don’t think he works here.” He said quietly to himself, trying to silently convince Buck to get to where they needed to go and not waste time, but the top of his golden blonde head was already stationed at the booth. Between bus passengers weaving in and out of his eyeline, Eddie saw Buck’s bright smile and heard a laugh from the booth. He understood spreading awareness about his missing son was crucial to finding him, but stopping at every potential employee with questions wasn’t going to get them many answers.

He leaned against a large support pillar and closed his eyes momentarily, envisioning hearing Chris’ joyous laugh instead of overhead announcements for buses leaving. At every turn in the station, Eddie prayed to see the mop of wavy, brown hair and see the navy Finding Nemo backpack that he'd recently gotten for Chris after his last overtime paycheck. He almost took off running after a small boy who had just gotten off of a nearby bus who caught Eddie’s attention when the glare off of his glasses caught the harsh, artificial light. He just about called out for Chris, his heart leaping inside his hollow chest, only to see another father running up to the boy, pulling him up in a hug and swinging his son around while he giggled and shouted gleefully.

“He’s off the clock, just closed the ticket booth, but he said that they haven’t had any luck.” Buck slouched next to Eddie on the pillar and the two stood in silence, just watching the crowd of people dissipate and go home to where they belonged. Who wants to spend time in a bus station when you could be at home with your loved ones? Two people who apparently didn’t have anyone else, that’s who.

“How could they have luck when I haven’t seen a single picture? Heard any announcements? Seems like they aren’t trying very fucking hard to find him.” Eddie pushed off from the hard surface and pulled out his phone. 

There was a sign for a 24 hour ticket booth across the worn tile lobby room floor and Eddie started towards it with Buck quick to follow. “Someone has to know something. You’d hope at least.” He muttered the last part under his breath, but Buck didn’t realize that it wasn’t meant to be responded to.

“We’ll find him. You at least know where he’s going in the worst case that we can’t find him here.” 

“Yeah, that’s what I’m worried about.” Eddie made it to the booth first and impatiently began tapping his fingers on the stacks of brochures littering the counter about things to do in LA. An older man was in front of them, talking with the employee as if she was a long-lost friend, rattling on about the weather, traffic, and sorts of other topics. 

Buck glanced over at Eddie who was getting visibly more frustrated at the talkative man who was oblivious to Eddie teeming with anger behind him, seeming about ready to shove the stranger out of the way at the next opportunity.

“Hi, sorry, excuse me?” Buck moved out from behind Eddie and captured the employee’s attention who looked momentarily grateful for the interruption. “He,” motioning to Eddie, “or I guess we are looking for a kid who was reported missing a couple of hours ago? Nine years old, brown hair, glasses?”

The woman behind the counter gave him a blank stare and smacked her gum in response which gave Eddie even more reason to start angrily moving the pamphlets on the desk. “He has Cerebral Palsy and has leg braces, a Finding Nemo backpack, and thick rimmed black glasses. Shouldn’t be hard to miss if you’re actually looking for him.” Eddie clipped back at the woman who just shrugged. 

“Kids come through here all the time thinking they're about to run away. Lying about where they’re going to score a ticket. Usually they never actually leave, they just feel better holding on to the ticket and think about going somewhere else.” She pressed a stamp on the other man’s ticket and turned back to her computer.

Eddie’s face was almost beet red as he threw down one of the booklets titled ‘Sweet Spots of South LA’ that displayed a display of various types of ice cream and cookies on the counter and leaned in, “Have you seen him or not? Because right now you’re just wasting my time. My kid is out there somewhere in the middle of the night by himself and I have no idea how to find him.”

She looked up between Eddie and Buck and sneered, “That seems like you and your boyfriend’s problem, not mine. If I see him, I’ll call it in, that’s as much as I can do. Maybe keep a better track of your own kid if he’s so ‘special needs’.” 

“What the fuck is wrong with you? My son is missing and that’s the help I get? I'm surprised anything gets done around this shithole with that go-getter attitude ma’am.” Eddie pushed off from the counter and Buck watched the older man pace around, take a deep breath, and flex his hands at his sides. Almost invisibly counting to some unknown number as he opened and closed his fists. Gradually getting looser and more at ease with each count.

“Thank you for the help.” Buck told the woman before heading back to Eddie who visibly rolled his eyes at Buck’s comment. 

“Thank you? Really? You’re even more naive than Chris.” Eddie scoffed and Buck felt his face flush with a feeling he could only call a mix and shame and exhaustion. “Let’s go to the train station, I doubt we’ll have much luck here. The bus routes said only one more was making a stop here and it was coming from northern California. Either he already left or he hasn’t been here.”

Buck just felt himself nod as he followed Eddie out of the bus depot towards the deep red truck. A small yellow piece of paper was stuck under the windshield wiper and Eddie didn’t have to get much closer in order to see the city’s police seal and ‘PARKING VIOLATION’ written in large print.

“Are they joking? I parked in a spot for early morning departures, is it not early morning?” Eddie ripped open the notice and looked between it and the sign above the truck that read ‘Reserved for A.M departures between 5-7:00 and same day returns through 10:00 P.M to ease traffic flow at busy hours. 

“Just damn it all.” Eddie tossed the notice in the backseat while he positioned himself at the driver’s seat. He took in another deep breath and stared out of the scuffed windshield to see Buck still standing in the chilly night air, crossing his arms over his body and kicking at an imaginary spot on the asphalt. If Eddie didn’t know better, he’d say that Buck’s eyes seemed a little off. He could try to chalk it up to unknown allergies and ignore the younger man’s blue eyes slowly turning into rapidly blinking pools of visible tears, but something about his stance drew his attention, no longer tall and confident as it was walking into the station, but worn down and small. As if seeming small was possible for a man nearly a head taller than Eddie. 

Buck pulled a sleeve of his sweater over his face to stifle his tears and stayed there for a minute. If Eddie was a better person or a smarter person, he would’ve checked to make sure the man he dragged into this mess during the middle of the night during a work week was alright, but with a lack of better judgement, Eddie started the engine as an indication that he wanted to get moving and Buck got the message.

He opened the door and remained silent while they pulled away from the station. Buck knew where Eddie’s voice from their first meeting reminded him of. The breaks in the words which were laced with sadness, uncertainty, and the final piece that just became clear to Buck: fear. That heartbreaking tone was so familiar because he frequently found it wrapped up in his own voice too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments absolutely make my day and really keep this old train chugging along so please drop on if you feel so inclined! Kudos are wonderful too! Really any kind of support means a ton!


	8. Some Good Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing like sleeping a migraine off in 24 hours to make you feel productive. Finally a relatively decent length chapter and some drama. Enjoy--

The train station was almost an hour’s drive away and both Eddie and Buck sat in belated silence before a loud yawn from Eddie drew Buck’s attention back to their situation. It was nearing 4:00am and the beginnings of the sun started to creep up over the horizon off in the distance. The light of day brought an unfounded amount of realness to the fact that there was still no word regarding Christopher.

Buck stared out the window, feeling the city air chase through his hair and into the stagnant cab. Athena called him after leaving the bus station with no news at all. No sightings, valid tips, or as much as a leg to stand on in their attempts to find the boy who if he was still in the city would have to be exhausted and scared to say the least. 

He leaned against the rattling glass and felt his eyes close, hoping for momentary peace before they had to chase distant hopes of Christopher in the train station. Why had no one seen him? If he was in the city, searching for transportation to get him all the way to Texas, wouldn’t they at least have something by now?

A sharp jerk of the truck followed by the loud thud of Buck’s head against the window gave way to a startled “OW.. Eddie what in the fuck?” He sat upright, rubbing the tender spot on his temple, and looked over at the other man who had obviously had seen better days. 

Eddie rubbed his face as if to mask the exhaustion that was planted so apparently on his weary expression and muttered, “Sorry, I just spaced out for a minute. I’m fine.”

“I can drive you know. We’re still about thirty minutes out, maybe a second of rest would do you some good?” Buck suggested, wide awake now as the throbbing pain in his head wouldn’t give him much peace.

“No, it's fine. We’ll be there soon anyway.” Eddie just focused on the road instead of Buck and appreciated the relative lack of traffic on the state highways at this hour. Give it until 5:00am and the roads would start to be teeming with life. People getting up and going to work like usual, blissfully unaware of the truck that had been puttering around the better half of the city for hours now.

A car began to veer into their lane and before Buck could shout for Eddie to move, he felt the truck jolt into the other lane and slow down considerably while the two watched the offending minivan speed off into the next exit lane. 

“I’m serious. If not for your safety than for mine, I’ll get an Uber at this point and meet you at the hospital after your inevitable car wreck.” Buck told Eddie, very point-blank but it still carried a light-hearted tone that Eddie had gotten used to by now. The shrunken man from outside the bus station seemed to cease to exist as the Buck that he’s gotten to know over the past couple of hours replaced him, sarcastic, yet truthful comments and all. 

“Fine. Only so we don’t waste anymore time.” Eddie obliged and put on his turn signal for the upcoming exit. He’d spent the previous night on shift, went home only to eat with Chris before dropping him off at his new school, and then went back to dispatch and worked the day shift for some overtime pay so needless to say, he was completely drained. 

There was a McDonalds off to the side of the exit and that seemed to be the best option. Especially given that Buck had been snacking on an old granola bar with limited enthusiasm that Eddie managed to have in the glovebox, hot food was a priority. Considering what happened back at the depot, offering Buck breakfast seemed like the absolute least that he could do. 

Eddie parked in the empty lot, got out to stretch his legs and checked his phone for the hundredth time, only having a new message from Carla who stayed at the apartment in case Chris went back there that only asked ‘Anything new? How are you boys doing?’ and instead of answering, he just shoved his phone in his pocket. The other car door closed and he looked up to see Buck making his way towards him, hands in his pockets and the still full granola bar wrapper peeking out from his sweatshirt. 

“Nothing?” Buck asked, already knowing the answer, but he was trying to keep Eddie’s hopes up to little avail.

“No. I just don’t know why no one has seen him. No tips, or anything. It doesn’t make sense. Chris isn’t an easy kid to miss and I just wish I knew if he was okay. He’s never done anything remotely like this before, I mean I know that he misses Texas, but never thought that he would try to leave. We were always so close.” Eddie sighed and ran a hand through his hair, taking stock as to how long it had gotten since moving.

Buck was curious as to why he always referred to it as ‘Texas’ and never said anything about this ‘Doug’ but he didn’t push it. They had bigger concerns.

The sun coming up cast a warm glow on the dim duo who once again loaded into the truck , this time Buck moving the driver’s side seat back to get comfortable for his turn. Eddie eased into the passenger seat with folded shoulders, his hands wrapped in his hoodie sleeves that soon crossed his body as he made himself more comfortable. He leaned his head against the window and Buck breathed a sigh of relief at the man’s expression displaying one of relative peace.

Eddie was already asleep as Buck rounded into the drive through for a quick meal and another coffee. He got an extra sandwich for Eddie when he woke up and turned the GPS back on. 

Driving back on the highway, traffic was worsening, but the pleasant morning air that wafted in through his window gave Buck his own sense of composure. The morning was turning into a brilliant display of light purple and pink clouds scattered across the dark sky with a breeze blowing in from the coast. On any other day, Buck would’ve taken up a morning jog before shift and likely stopped along the beach to appreciate the sunrise. 

However, as much as he wanted to forget about the awful situation dawning on the two, he looked over at Eddie fast asleep while the sun rose behind them and took a second to appreciate the sun-lit glow on his tired face that seemed to fill in the dark circles that had crept up on it. For the first time since Buck had met Eddie, he looked calm, serene and almost normal as if none of the past events had occurred at all. Buck couldn’t help but wonder who Eddie was before moving here. The vision of a man strong, confident, and exuberant came to Buck. Almost a complete opposite from the person before him, but at times, Buck could see the life flicker back into Eddie’s tired eyes and the contagious passion he held for his son and new job come to light. He wondered what changed in him and if it was the war or something else entirely.

Their peaceful scene lasted all of thirty solid minutes before the GPS voice boomed out, startling Buck and even more so Eddie who shot up from his rest with a grunt and looked around with wide eyes before they settled on Buck. “Where are we?” He asked, voice gruff and laden with sleep.

“Almost there. Five minutes or so. I got you a bacon and egg McGriddle if you’re hungry. I didn’t know what you wanted and I don’t think it's possible for anyone to not like sandwiches on mini pancake buns injected with syrup. Although maybe only the person doesn’t is the same person who asks for just black coffee. To each his own.” Buck handed Eddie a small brown bag to which Eddie obliged, feeling hunger resonate deep in his stomach. As much as food didn’t sound appetizing, he wouldn’t do anyone any good running on an empty stomach. Not to mention, the smell of warm food was making the rumble in his stomach even more prevalent. 

Eddie took a bite as they passed a sign for the station, uncertainty and fear bubbling up to the surface again. Buck made sure to be clear of the parking rules before pulling in to a spot and Eddie tossed the empty sandwich wrapper on the floorboard. A little bit of sleep and food gave him the smallest glimmer of welcome optimism as they piled out of the truck and started for the entrance.

An unspoken plan fell on the two, Buck going to the ticketing booth and Eddie approaching a security officer across the way, armed with pictures of his son.

They proceeded to gather information, or rather the lack thereof, and met back at the entrance with similar sad expressions. Nothing.

“I just don’t understand. At least they had a knowledge of Chris and checked all incoming and outgoing trains, but nothing. It doesn’t make sense.” Eddie spoke, letting the defeat of their current situation produce a muted haze of despair over the pair.

“Well there are places we still haven’t been. He could still be in the city, waiting somewhere and we wouldn’t know until he tried to board a plane or something.” Buck tried to reason with Eddie’s defeated words, but he was met with silence as Eddie walked out of the station, fists balling up again with agitated breaths to match.

They got out to the car and Eddie just stopped, keys in hand, seemingly frozen before Buck caught up and peered over at Eddie’s trembling frame. Just as Buck was about to step closer and try and offer some sort of support, Eddie’s ringtone sounded again and he turned away, pulled himself together almost instantly, and furrowed his brows at the unknown number in the screen, but he answered anyway, blind optimism taking control.

For a moment, he imagined Chris’ voice on the other end, asking for Eddie to come pick him up, that he was okay, just at a store or park and that he made a mistake. Desperate to hear his son’s voice, Eddie pleaded, “Hello?” into the line that stayed silent for a concerning moment too long.

He nearly doubled over when an equally familiar, but biting cold voice responded back instead of his bright son’s.

“Hi babe. I missed you.”

The shock of the voice sent Eddie reeling and he saw out of the corner of his eye Buck tilting his head in his direction and mouthing words to him. He seemed to ask “Who is it?” but Eddie couldn’t know for sure as all he could focus on was his heartbeat pounding rapidly in his ears.

His mouth instantly became bone-dry, breakfast threatening its way back up, but Eddie swallowed and heard himself say, “Doug, how did you get this number?” 

A stinging chuckle sounded on the other end and Doug answered, “Imagine my surprise getting a call from an auto-repair shop in Van Nuys with an estimate for a complete AC and heating unit repair. Guess the new shop found our old account and contacted me instead of you. Never thought I would appreciate chain auto-repair stores, but here we are.”

Eddie was struck with disbelief. He was so careful, changing everything possible to his name and new address, but he made a crucial error with the repair shop. 

“Chris told me that his new school isn’t as good there as it was in Texas. I wasn’t sure you’d be making enough money for a private school and a home aide for him named Carla? Is that right? Can’t even take care of your own son yourself, Eddie?”

The pounding in his ears grew louder as a small voice bubbled up from somewhere inside of him, “You’ve talked to Chris? He’s there?”

“He’s here with me, yes. He’s fine, don't worry about that. We went for pancakes as a late dinner after I picked him up and he’s been sleeping all night safe and sound where he belongs.” 

Dinner? There’s no way Chris could’ve made it there that quickly without raising any alarms. He didn’t know the LAPD very well on a personal level, but with the interactions he has had with Sergeant Grant, she didn't strike him as the kind of person to let things slip through the cracks. 

“How did he get there? Did he fly? Is that what was in the envelope? A plane ticket?” Eddie felt his initial shock transitioning into anger as he told his ex-husband, “You put MY son at risk on a plane leaving LA at midnight to prove a point? That you’re a better father than me?”

Buck’s eyes grew visibly wide at that statement and froze on Eddie’s face as Doug answered.

He laughed into the line, “For being a former Army Medic, firefighter, and now LA 911 dispatcher, you certainly don’t think about things very much, do you?”

He stayed silent until a sickening realization caused Eddie to fall back, stunned to the side of the truck. How could Chris get to Doug and not raise any alarms? How could he get to him so soon after Eddie noticed him missing? Chris wasn’t planning to leave LA, Doug was already here.

Eddie tried to form a sentence, but just released increasingly ragged breaths while trying to get a hold on his reeling thoughts.

“Speaking of fine, you know who I really like? That firefighter you’ve been palling around with all night. The one with that red birthmark and those bright blue eyes that I know you love so much. I may just give up on you and try to get in on that instead.” Doug laughed into the line and Eddie panicked, looking around for the man he’d dragged through the better part of the night with. At first, Eddie couldn’t get eyes on Buck and got back to his feet, turning to get eyes on that head of unmistakable blonde hair, hearing the blood swirling around his head. 

He almost started to take off back inside the train station until his eyes caught Buck across the parking lot, throwing away the fast food bag and coffee cups from what seemed like a lifetime ago now. Eddie stopped as Buck turned around to face him, a concerned expression painted clearly on his face as he began making his way back towards the truck. 

“How did you?” Eddie began racking his brain for any memory of Doug that he glossed over. Surely, he would remember seeing him, but with the amount of stress and fatigue he’d been under, the man may have slipped under his radar. Eddie was about to repeat himself until he thought back to the bus stop employee that he tried to warn Buck to not approach. Something about the black baseball hat at night and familiar relaxed, yet alert stance of the ‘employee’ sent chills down Eddie’s back, but he became distracted by the bus arrival and turned away from Buck. 

“You leave him out of this. I barely know him, I needed help finding Chris and I just know him through work.” Eddie tried to reason with the man who had haunted him from the moment he set foot in LA, but failed to come up with anything else.

“I know better than that, and so do you.” Doug responded and silence set in between the two, both carefully anticipating the other’s next move. “I’ll tell you what babe, Chris and I have had a great night, but if he’s going to stay with me, I need to find some better lodgings. Maybe here, maybe in Texas who knows, but I will drop him off back at your house in about half an hour? You’re still what? In the south side of the city at least so it’ll take you an hour to get back to your lovely apartment. As much as I want to see that pretty firefighter’s face again, that’ll have to wait for another time. What was his name again? Buck? We had a great run Eddie, we really did, but I have to set my sights higher for the next one. He seems a little easier to placate than you were.”

Eddie’s anger began boiling over as he spoke of Buck, feeling almost protective of the man he’d gotten to know who had done nothing but try and do everything he could to help both Eddie and Chris over the past day. There’s no way in hell that he would risk anyone’s safety at the hands of his ex-husband and as he reached up to brush the scar left on his forehead that was a constant, painful reminder from the first time Doug took his anger out on him, imagining someone with such good intentions as Buck being subjected to that started a pit of anger raging in his core. 

“If so much as a hair is touched on Chris’ head when I see him, there will be a lot more than just me to answer to. You’ll never take him away and would never be able to keep him. He’s my son, not yours. I’ll make sure of that.” Eddie found his words again and added, “And Buck is under protection of not only the LAFD, but the LAPD. If anything happens to him, you’ll be their first suspect. I can guarantee you that.” 

“Forty-five minutes Eddie. Better hurry up. Don’t want your son to be alone for too long. Thank goodness you gave him a key for ‘Emergencies’, it really came in handy today. I’ll see you around.”

The call dropped and Eddie felt his stomach contract with the swift realization that yes, Chris was okay and alive, but that Doug was here watching him. His breakfast came spewing out on the asphalt and Buck ran over, trying to offer reassurance in the form of some spare napkins.

Eddie gathered what dignity he had left and wiped his mouth, taking a sip of the water that Buck had managed to find in the cab. His wide blue eyes seemed to bore holes into Eddie as he awaited the news from the phone conversation. 

Should he tell Buck about Doug? Worry the other man that his own ex-husband had taken a liking to him and would be keeping tabs on Eddie as long as he was in LA. No, Eddie thought. Involving Buck any more than he had to wasn’t smart. The less he knew, the better. As much as Eddie appreciated having a friend and had selfishly gotten used to the company, they couldn’t talk after this. Not just for Eddie’s sake, but Buck’s as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a sucker for soft eddie with sweater paws. Buck is baby but Eddie is also baby, you can fight me on that.
> 
> Comments complete my life, so any words of encouragement are very very welcome! They motivate me to keep writing more than anything. Thank you for all of your comments thus far, I read every single one with a smile on my dumb face.
> 
> Also if you want a buddie friend, my tumblr is rememberwhyineededto and shoot me a message! I need friends who watched this show and have fallen into this deep, dark pit with me. Next one will be up probably by Saturday at the latest because I need to draft the next bit, but I hope you're enjoying the drama so far! Again, I don't have a beta because I'm impatient, so any funky plot holes or grammar mistakes, I will likely fix later.


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